June 14th, 2012 - 9:53pm

I have been hiding from you, little blog.  I have not written in a week.  I've been intentionally avoiding you.  On purpose.

The past week has had its ups and downs, and when things are down I withdraw.  While in hiding, I realized that I've been expecting Brian to make me happy.  This is bad.  Very bad.  Too much pressure for a human being.  Leads to two very unhappy humans.  Just the opposite intended reaction---ironic.  But we're working through it and it's really cool.  Much much more rewarding.  This leads to two happy individuals!  So thankful for grace and mercy and a husband who shows Christs' love and faithfulness.  And a God who has grace on His children, real grace.


So we read chapters two and three of Grace for the Good Girl this week for small group.  I got back from it about an hour ago, got some chocolate ice cream, and came to face you, blog.

Her book rocked my world again this week.  So much so, that I hid.  From the book about how to come out of hiding.

Quotes that stood out to me:

Good means I never mess up.  Good means, I weigh the perfect amount.  Good means I can handle everything, I don't look like a fool, and I never lose my patience.  Good means my hand will never be disappointed in me, my kids will always obey, and everyone basically likes me.  Good means I am enough (p. 25).  Sound familiar? 

If I fail to live up to my own standard of good, I label myself a failure.  I lack motivation.  I become indifferent.  I entertain anxiety.  I snap at my children.  I want to be alone.  I dream of Hawaiian vacations.  I wallow (p. 25). Can you relate?

I was a good girls and I wanted to be a good girl, but it often kepy me from saying what I really meant.  In fact, my desire to be good even kept me from exploring my own opinion, and I grew up to believe that my opinion didn't actually matter much anyway (p. 27).  Hard to know what you believe when you think your opinions aren't valid.

Not only that, I hated the way I hung the pictures throughout the house.  Our bedroom constantly had dirty clothes on the floor, our bathroom was in desperate need of some Clorox, and the kitchen was a disorganized mess.  Of course, that shouldn't have matter since I rarely cooked.  The guest room was filled with boxes that needed emptying, a closet that needed organizing, projects that needed finishing, and a wedding gown that needed cleaning (p. 29).  This is me, exactly.  To a Tee. I'm learning to work through this/grow up. 

And many more.

So here are Emily Freeman's questions from chapters two and three.

1. The way I defined being good in my life was overblown and exaggerated.  Do you have a definition of good that may be twisted or irrational?  what is it?
2. Describe your invisible good girl, good Christian, good wife, or good mom.  What does she look like?  Who does she sound like?  How do you feel sitting next to her?
3. What aspects of your performance are you unwilling to let go?  What do you think will happen if you do?
4. What does living safely look like for you?  How would things be different if you could live free?