Grace for the Good Girl, Introduction and Chapter 1

Well, I read the intro and first chapter to Grace for the Good Girl.  These are the main questions author Emily P. Freeman asks:

1. Is there something you are hiding from?
2. Is there something you are hiding behind?
3. Can you identify your brand of good girl?  In what areas have you been tempted to depend on yourself?
4. What does life look like for you when you are being driven by fear?  What is your "sometimes truth" that challenges Love's lead in your life?
5. Do you agree that the best part of hiding is being found?  Why or why not?

I'll try to be HONEST as I answer here.

1. Is there something you are hiding from?  (Reveals what you fear.)
• I am hiding from what may happen in the future, loosing Brian or our unborn child, loosing my parents, brother or sister, brother-in-law and niece.  I am hiding from my friends dying.  Being physically mangled, paralyzed or dismembered.  Having a brain injury and never knowing what happened to someone I care about.  Just to name a few.
2. Is there something you are hiding behind?   (Reveals where you put your trust.)
• I hide behind my smile, appearance, fun clothing, good family upbringing, the fact that I follow rules and have 'done life right'.  I hide behind other people making decisions for me.
3. Can you identify your brand of good girl?  In what areas have you been tempted to depend on yourself?
• I don't know what kind of good girl I am yet .  But I have been tempted to depend on myself in the areas of...hmmm.  I don't really know what the question is asking.  I'll ask someone about it at small group tonight.  
4. What does life look like for you when you are being driven by fear?  What is your "sometimes truth" that challenges Love's lead in your life?
• When driven by fear, my life feels tight.  Very tight.  Wound so tightly that there is no room for anything but my fear.  I treat those I love with anger and impatience, disregard and insolence.  (I normally treat people I do not know or love with contempt, it just seeps into those I love when I am living in fear.)  My "sometimes truth" is that I am better than everyone.  That "I would rather read People magazine than the Bible and that I judge people who would rather read People magazine than the Bible.  I am more insecure than I would ever admit.  The weight of expectation is heavy and often unbearable.  Comparison is a constant companion.  I have unexplained anxiety and that I don't quite measure up" (GftGG, p. 20-21).  If I HAD to choose one of those, it would be the last, I think.  
5. Do you agree that the best part of hiding is being found?  Why or why not?
• I do agree that the best part of hiding is being found, because I have experienced it.  I have felt the "holy shift" Freeman talks about in my walk with Christ.  "And before I realize it, there has been a holy shift.  My insatiable need to prove my own goodness to God and the world fades into the background, and instead I receive truth and offer worship to the only One deserving of it" (GftGG, p. 19).  I have seen Him find me.  I have felt it.  I have watched it.  I can recognize periods of being found.  Of muchness and being known.  I experienced this from Him as well as my husband.  To feel known, found, accepted, with flaws more visible than anything else.  I have felt that.  It feels good.  It feels right.  Safe in an open way, not the covered sort of way.  Safe in a truly safe type of way.  

One of the things I am most excited about in this book is someone putting words to my fears and thoughts.  "In order to explore the truth, we have to put words and images on those ingrained beliefs we have about God and what he expects of us.  We have to expose the invisible expectations and desires we know are there but may not have words for yet.  Let me give you the words.  Let offer my stories and the stories of women close to me" (GftGG, p. 14).  The lies are so deeply rooted, I don't know they're lies.  I'm excited about exposing them and realizing them for what they are, so Light can shine in and overtake them.